Guest Post: New Mom Overwhelm - Tips for Coping
Guest Blog Post by Clare Pentelow, MSW, RSW, RP from Kitchener Therapy
The day has finally arrived! You are bringing your little one home. Or perhaps you had a home birth and are now snuggled in bed with your baby. What a journey this has been, from learning you are pregnant, to being pregnant, to giving birth. So many new experiences have all brought you to this place with your little one. You may be experiencing joy, relief, anxiety, exhaustion....whatever you are feeling, your life has undergone a HUGE transition. It is no surprise that a recent survey found that 40% of women report feeling overwhelmed, anxious or depressed after giving birth (Orlando Health). I would argue that most women experience moments of overwhelm when in the midst of the fourth trimester. And is it any wonder? Here are some of the factors you are contending with after birth:
Physical: Your body has just gone through an incredible process of growing and then birthing a baby. The health outcomes vary from person to person, but at the end of the day your body needs time to heal.
Hormones: During pregnancy our body produces a lot of estrogen and progesterone, two hormones connected to creating dopamine and serotonin. These neurotransmitters help us feel calm and happy. When we give birth these two hormones plummet! During labour and after birth we get a dose of oxytocin, which can help us feel calm and bonded to the baby (Daley, 2018) It’s quite the hormonal roller coaster!
Brain: Your brain changes after birth. One study showed that women lose gray matter after birth (which may be connected to “mommy brain”) (Gritters, 2020). The authors of the study theorized that this may provide the opportunity for new neural pathways related to caregiving to grow. Research has also found that new moms are actually more alert than normal thanks to their brain's salience network. Scientists think giving birth activates this network to help a mother detect threats and protect her infant from harm, especially in dangerous situations when that network can help ramp up adrenaline (Caruso, 2016). This may be related to why new moms can feel anxiety around caring for their new baby.
Life Transition: This is such a big life transition. Whether it’s your first baby or your third, you are bringing home a new family member! This involves new routines, new caregiving activities, less sleep - a whole new person to care for, love and consider. While this change can be wonderful for some people, wonderful changes are still changes, and change by its very nature can be stressful!
So now we have very briefly gone over all the ways your life has changed - it is almost every aspect of your being - physically, hormonally, mentally, relationally - there are very few times in life that we go through such a huge transition. So take a deep breath, and remember to be kind to yourself. Acknowledge all that you are going through and all that you are learning. Below are some tips to consider if you are finding the transition to motherhood overwhelming.
Tips for Coping
Communicate what you need: Don’t be afraid to ask your support network for help. Think about who has offered support - whether it’s your friends, family, neighbours, or (if applicable) partner and consider how they could best support you. Once you are aware of what you need, try to be very clear in your communication. Some new moms want someone to hold the baby while they nap, while others appreciate more practical support like cleaning, or meal prep. Maybe you just want someone to sit down with you and have a cup of coffee! It might be challenging to be so specific, but remember that it can be hard for others to know what it is you need. On the other hand, don’t be afraid to let people know if you need some time alone with the baby. This can be hard, because there is often so much excitement when a new baby arrives. However, you have been through a lot (see above!), and may need time to rest and recover without worrying about hosting or socializing with other people.
Don’t rush recovery: Try your best to remember that you are healing. Don’t push yourself to do the chores you used to do prior to the baby coming. It’s ok to relax your standards around house cleaning! Talk to your doctor before doing anything too physical like exercise, sex, or heavy lifting. Find ways to simplify your routine, for example getting a meal delivery service for a couple of months if it’s affordable for you. Don’t feel bad for resting and relaxing, your mind and body need it!
Eat Nutritious Food (link to blog post): Eating nutritious food has been found to not only support physical health, but mental health (Selhub, 2020). Julie wrote a fantastic blog post about ways to nourish postpartum recovery.
Exercise and the outdoors: Once your doctor has given you the ok, taking walks with baby can be a great way to get some exercise and be in nature, both of which have been found to have big impacts on your stress levels and mental health (Cox et al., 2017; Alexandratos et al, 2020). If you feel ready to commit to some more intense forms of exercise, look into baby friendly gyms and yoga studios - some gyms have classes that cater to moms bringing their baby into the class with them when they exercise.
Self Compassion: This one is important! It is common to feel a lot of pressure - whether it feels like you aren’t getting things done, or that you aren’t handling everything with regards to caring for your baby perfectly, moms can be incredibly hard on themselves! Remember that this time is a learning process, even if you’ve had a baby before, you didn’t have THIS particular baby. As this article emphasized, the first few months demand a lot of you, so do your best to have compassion and kindness for yourself while you navigate this incredible, stressful life transition.
Don’t Hesitate to Seek Support: If you are feeling constantly upset or overwhelmed, or have any concerns regarding your mental health please don’t hesitate to reach out! One study found that 13.8% of women who gave birth experienced symptoms consistent with postpartum anxiety, and 17.9% had symptoms consistent with postpartum depression (Gheorghe et al., 2020). Many women are not aware that what they are experiencing is a health issue that can be successfully treated - they often assume it is just normal stress, or that they are somehow at fault for what they are feeling. Whether or not you are experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety, if you think it might be helpful to talk to someone it likely is! Don’t feel you need a diagnosis to reach out for support - please know that you deserve help if you are stressed or overwhelmed.
Clare Pentelow is a social worker and psychotherapist at Kitchener Therapy. She has over 10 years of experience in the mental health field and she is passionate about perinatal and postpartum mental health and helping new moms thrive.
References
Alexandratos, K., Barnett, F., and Thomas, Y. (2012) The Impact of Exercise on the Mental Health and Quality of Life of People with Severe Mental Illness: A Critical Review, British Journal of Occupational Therapy, 75(2).
Caruso, C. (2016, December 19) Pregnancy causes lasting changes in a woman’s brain, Scientific American.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/pregnancy-causes-lasting-changes-in-a-womans-brain/
Cox et al., (2017) Doses of Neighborhood Nature: The Benefits for Mental Health of Living with Nature, BioScience, 67(2): 147–155
Daley, K. (2018, December 19) How pregnancy hormones affect your body in each trimester, Today’s Parent, https://www.todaysparent.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-health/how-pregnancy-hormones-affect-your-body-in-each-trimester/
Gheorghe, M., Varin, M., Wong, S.L. et al. Symptoms of postpartum anxiety and depression among women in Canada: findings from a national cross-sectional survey. Can J Public Health 112, 244–252 (2021). https://doi.org/10.17269/s41997-020-00420-4
Gritters, J. (2020, May 5) This is your brain on motherhood, The New York Times
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/05/parenting/mommy-brain-science.html
Pregnancy and the Fourth Trimester, Orlando Health
https://www.orlandohealth.com/content-hub/pregnancy-and-the-fourth-trimester
Selub,E. (2020, March 26). Nutritional psychiatry: Your brain on food. Harvard Health Blog.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/nutritional-psychiatry-your-brain-on-food-201511168626